By MELANIE STONE
I’ve liked my guy friend for almost a year now. A few months ago we both finally admitted that we had feelings for each other, but he had gotten out of a relationship and wasn’t ready for another right away. The problem is I’m still falling for him! Should I bring up the topic of our (possible) relationship again? I don’t want to make our friendship awkward Help!
Let me start by saying that it is almost a proven fact that guys and girls cannot be friends without feelings getting in the way at some point. Most people can attest to saying that even when they decide to “just be friends” with someone after a break up, it usually never works. Well the same goes for being friends, and wanting to pursue a relationship. This is because it’s hard to see someone in a certain light when all you’ve known is the person they were before.
If the two of you have talked about your feelings for one another before, then I am sure they are still there on his part as well. Feelings usually do not just subside unless there is reason for them to. It is very natural (especially for men), to not want to get into a relationship as soon as they leave another (no matter what terms their last one ended on). You would not have wanted that either. If you two got together right away after his breakup, you could have unintentionally become a rebound, and things could have ended up a lot differently for the both of you.
The fact that you both are still friends after admitting your true feelings, and have not fallen into a relationship yet means you both really care about the other, and are making sure things stay as normal as possible until you reach a consensus (kudos for that!).
I would say that now is the time to bring up these feelings again and see where you both stand. While it is a good idea to wait, and really make sure he is moved on from his ex, you also do not want to be waiting around for nothing. I can tell you if he is still in your life, I am almost one hundred percent sure his feelings haven’t changed. Guys are less apt to really show emotion, and he could have just assumed that your “romantic” feelings toward him faded because he wasn’t ready for a relationship when you first discussed these feelings.
Let him know where you stand. Keep in mind, however, that once you start a relationship there is no going back. Many times friends are scared to enter into “relationship territory” because they do not want to loose the bond they already have. It seems like you guys are close enough where that will not be an issue, but it is always something you both should discuss before becoming “official.”
Tell him how you feel…again! You’ll never know where you both stand unless you do. One of you has to make the first move, and bring up what both of you are avoiding. We all know that girls are better when it comes to emotion, therefore, let it all out and really make him see where you’re coming from. I would say if it’s been more than six months since his break up, and he still is not ready, that you should try and move on with your love life.
Moving on could create evoke on of two things; he could realize that you’re not waiting around for him and he could tell you that he is finally ready to try something between the two of you, or you could realize that you guys are better off friends.
My one piece of advice would be to keep your heart guarded throughout this entire situation. Obviously, he is your friend and would never want to hurt you, but anything involving your feelings can get murky sometimes. The key to this situation is honesty. Once you both begin to open up, and stop pretending like no feelings ever existed between you two (or still exist), then you can finally move on to a new stage, and see if something is there. Good luck!
Is there trouble in paradise? Do you have a love or relationship question? Ask Melanie!
Submit “Ask Melanie” requests to ChargerBulletin@newhaven.edu, our Facebook page, or through Twitter.Tweet